So, not to be a debbie-downer, but it seems like one of the whole points of blogs is to post "happenings" in your life, whether good or bad, happy or sad. I guess it's okay to 'out' the news now that my Grandma Swift knows and won't be blind-sided by a big ol' Warren Sap with it all.
My dad has cancer. Just that small sentence brings a lot of emotions, as simple and trite, and UNemotional as it is for anyone ELSE to read it. I've never really known anyone personally close to me to have the horrible disease. Yeah, parents of friends have had it and we've KNOWN people who have had cancer, but no one really that I've had a personal or more intimate relationship with. And now it's my DAD.
I remember in high school there was a high profile family in our district and one of their sons hung out with the big group of friends I ran around with. He was a class older than me, but was a really good athlete- football, basketball and baseball. His mom was diagnosed with breast cancer and I remember when she ended up passing away. His little sister was friends with my little sister. Even though it was sad, I remember the saddest thing was when I put myself into their shoes and tried to imagine how I would feel if it was MY mom. THAT's what was the saddest part. But it's not my mom. It's my Dad.
I've been distracted lately by lots of things--my sister's wedding, grad school, doctor's appointments for the kids, teaching, Mike traveling and getting used to his new job, keeping the house somwhat acceptable and liveable...you know, the everyday jobs of a mom/wife/full-time teacher/student. But now that some of these things are over or under control, the reality of my Dad's situation is more in the forefront of my thoughts instead of just floating in the background.
He had his PET scan and the cancer hasn't metastisized outside of his lymph nodes...great news. But just the small bruises on his arms from IV's during his exploratory surgery to find the tumors, the radiation mask fitting, and the scheduling of the first date of his chemo and radiation therapies (October 18th) make this whole situation tangible and scary. I can't see the strong, intelligent, successful, independent, masculine, tough man that I've grown up idolizing with a feeding tube. I can't imagine the guy that was always telling us to toughen up and be brave in a situation where he will completely be at the mercy of the cancer treatments, in pain, and probably hiding it. And the worse part is I'm 1,000 miles away and can't do anything about it.
One of the only glimpses of hope that I have is my knowledge that Heavenly Father is completely aware of my family, and even me. I'm not the one that has cancer, but He knows that I too am hurting and he has put people in my path that have already given me so much comfort and strength. It is truly amazing to know that seemingly unrelated events in my life, are completely related to this terrible cancer and are helping me and my family to get through it. I am anxious to witness miracles and experience the power of prayer and priesthood.
Life truly is a gift that I think we take for granted at times. I'm so grateful for mine-for the relationship I have been privileged to have with my Dad, because I know there are some people who have never had the opportunity to have a dad, and especially not one who is as great as mine. I am also hopeful for all the future experiences I will continue to have with my Dad.
My dad has cancer. Just that small sentence brings a lot of emotions, as simple and trite, and UNemotional as it is for anyone ELSE to read it. I've never really known anyone personally close to me to have the horrible disease. Yeah, parents of friends have had it and we've KNOWN people who have had cancer, but no one really that I've had a personal or more intimate relationship with. And now it's my DAD.
I remember in high school there was a high profile family in our district and one of their sons hung out with the big group of friends I ran around with. He was a class older than me, but was a really good athlete- football, basketball and baseball. His mom was diagnosed with breast cancer and I remember when she ended up passing away. His little sister was friends with my little sister. Even though it was sad, I remember the saddest thing was when I put myself into their shoes and tried to imagine how I would feel if it was MY mom. THAT's what was the saddest part. But it's not my mom. It's my Dad.
I've been distracted lately by lots of things--my sister's wedding, grad school, doctor's appointments for the kids, teaching, Mike traveling and getting used to his new job, keeping the house somwhat acceptable and liveable...you know, the everyday jobs of a mom/wife/full-time teacher/student. But now that some of these things are over or under control, the reality of my Dad's situation is more in the forefront of my thoughts instead of just floating in the background.
He had his PET scan and the cancer hasn't metastisized outside of his lymph nodes...great news. But just the small bruises on his arms from IV's during his exploratory surgery to find the tumors, the radiation mask fitting, and the scheduling of the first date of his chemo and radiation therapies (October 18th) make this whole situation tangible and scary. I can't see the strong, intelligent, successful, independent, masculine, tough man that I've grown up idolizing with a feeding tube. I can't imagine the guy that was always telling us to toughen up and be brave in a situation where he will completely be at the mercy of the cancer treatments, in pain, and probably hiding it. And the worse part is I'm 1,000 miles away and can't do anything about it.
One of the only glimpses of hope that I have is my knowledge that Heavenly Father is completely aware of my family, and even me. I'm not the one that has cancer, but He knows that I too am hurting and he has put people in my path that have already given me so much comfort and strength. It is truly amazing to know that seemingly unrelated events in my life, are completely related to this terrible cancer and are helping me and my family to get through it. I am anxious to witness miracles and experience the power of prayer and priesthood.
Life truly is a gift that I think we take for granted at times. I'm so grateful for mine-for the relationship I have been privileged to have with my Dad, because I know there are some people who have never had the opportunity to have a dad, and especially not one who is as great as mine. I am also hopeful for all the future experiences I will continue to have with my Dad.
4 comments:
So true Tara and if anyone can beat this horrible disease it is your dad. We love you and your family so much and will be praying for your dad and all of you. Let us know if you need anything and we love you lots. Hang in there:)
Great post Tara. We are definitely thinking of you and your family. It was so fun to see you all (except Mike) Tell Mike we missed him.
We love you guys! Im glad you could share your feelings with us! Ive been hinking so much about you and your dad since we talked last week! Please keep in touch and know you are in our prayers. love-The Bergesons:)
Sorry to hear about your dad! I hope everything turns out well. My grandma and step-dad were both diagnosed with cancer this year, the treatments are going well, but it is sad, especially being so far away.
Post a Comment